Trials and Triumphs in Love: Advice on relationships for millennials Ft. Renelle S.T. Williams

Song of the day: Anytime by Jean Deaux

Bae and I visiting the N.M.A.A.H.C. in Washington, D.C.

Today, I decided to invite my wonderful girlfriend, Renelle to the Running Water since we’ve noticed that young folks (and even older folks) have some trouble getting through the puppy love phase of their relation/situationship. By no means are we perfect nor do we want to make it seem like we are. We’re learning and growing with one another so this is simply some of our observations. You may agree, you may not, you may be confused but pay attention and take what you need.

1. Don’t be afraid of the truth even if it is hard to tell.
   The phrase “the truth will set you free” is so real because lying is similar to stockpiling. The more you lie, the more you can’t trust yourself. Lying only builds distrust in a relationship and basically destroys the foundation you’re building with your partner. There are some conversations that are hard to start let alone have. But if your partner is willing to listen and understands where you come from, then that lie you’re about to tell isn’t worth telling. You’re throwing a brick at a mound that could be used to finish the home you’re building.
2. Remember that everything takes time. As much as you want something to happen in your timing you have to respect your partner’s process. You and your partner are two different individuals. We all develop at different times. There are times where you might feel like you want your partner to be at a different level than where you’re at but patience is an important tool in a relationship. It is important that you help your partner grow rather than rush their process. Nothing happens overnight but you both have to be willing to put in the work to ensure you both grow.
3. Check your friends/associates. Boundaries and the lack thereof can affect you and your partner
   There are some friends that want what/who you have so it’s up to you to figure out who’s really for you and who’s envious. People will try to see how committed you are in a relationship. So watch how friendly and charismatic you are because you can be giving out mixed signals. Remember your friends have no loyalty to your partner but you do. What you bestow to your partner is not meant for others. Honoring the sacredness of your relationship is essential because if it’s for everyone then it’s not special anymore!
4. Communicate expectations effectively. Do not assume your partner knows what is going on in your head if you do not tell them. Often times we believe that if my partner really knows me then they should know why I feel some type of way. However, this isn’t always true. It’s not that your partner does not understand you, your partner just isn’t a mind reader. In a relationship you have to effectively communicate what is going on internally. Communication is key in a relationship (verbal and nonverbals).
5. Learn when to and when not to…
   Discernment, discretion, decision.
6. Do not expect something from your partner that you are not willing to do yourself. Set your expectations and stick to it. If you do not want your partner at a party dancing with the opposite gender do not think it is okay for you to go out and dance with the opposite gender. If you value the relationship then stand up and say no to things you would not want to hear your partner did. Think about how your short term actions have long term consequences. My definition of cheating is “doing something you would not feel comfortable doing if your partner is present.”
7. Hold yourself accountable and lighten up!
   It’s okay to run the streets and have a good time but remember, if you don’t want your partner to do it with someone else then maybe you shouldn’t do it. When you make a mistake, own up to it but don’t set a standard that you can’t uphold because discipline is will get back at you. Quick.
8. Open up and be transparent with your partner. Your partner is the one person you should be 100% comfortable with. Do not put on a mask with your partner because they deserve to see the natural and authentic person that you are. You should feel comfortable expressing all your emotions to your partner.
9. Always make time for the relationship outside day to day interactions. If the only time you enjoy one another is at night then you have a big problem on your hands.
   If you and your partner don’t set aside time for each other then why are y’all together? This is a two-way street. No one person should be making all of the plans or be the only one trying new things. Try new things TOGETHER.
10. Be spontaneous in the relationship. The status quo can get boring really fast. Do not be afraid to embark on different adventures. Random acts of kindness lets your partner feel appreciated. It does not have to be something grand. Dwight first caught my attention when he listened to me after telling him that Hershey’s cookies and creme is my favorite candy. One day, he hid a bar in my car for me to find. A simple gesture made me smile and feel appreciated.

This isn’t a one stop shop for young couples. We’re just showing the world what works for us. Please comment and give your take on our tips. What would you add? What would you take away? What was missing and should be added? Thank you for your time and be on the look out for next week’s post on The Running Water.

Beyond The Lights,

DJ3 and Nelle
The Maverick