Category: Reflections

Trials and Triumphs in Love: Advice on relationships for millennials Ft. Renelle S.T. Williams

8/19/2019

Song of the day: Anytime by Jean Deaux

Bae and I visiting the N.M.A.A.H.C. in Washington, D.C.

Today, I decided to invite my wonderful girlfriend, Renelle to the Running Water since we’ve noticed that young folks (and even older folks) have some trouble getting through the puppy love phase of their relation/situationship. By no means are we perfect nor do we want to make it seem like we are. We’re learning and growing with one another so this is simply some of our observations. You may agree, you may not, you may be confused but pay attention and take what you need.

Don’t be afraid of the truth even if it is hard to tell.
The phrase “the truth will set you free” is so real because lying is similar to stockpiling. The more you lie, the more you can’t trust yourself. Lying only builds distrust in a relationship and basically destroys the foundation you’re building with your partner. There are some conversations that are hard to start let alone have. But if your partner is willing to listen and understands where you come from, then that lie you’re about to tell isn’t worth telling. You’re throwing a brick at a mound that could be used to finish the home you’re building.
Remember that everything takes time. As much as you want something to happen in your timing you have to respect your partner’s process.
You and your partner are two different individuals. We all develop at different times. There are times where you might feel like you want your partner to be at a different level than where you’re at but patience is an important tool in a relationship. It is important that you help your partner grow rather than rush their process. Nothing happens overnight but you both have to be willing to put in the work to ensure you both grow.
Check your friends/associates. Boundaries and the lack thereof can affect you and your partner
There are some friends that want what/who you have so it’s up to you to figure out who’s really for you and who’s envious. People will try to see how committed you are in a relationship. So watch how friendly and charismatic you are because you can be giving out mixed signals. Remember your friends have no loyalty to your partner but you do. What you bestow to your partner is not meant for others. Honoring the sacredness of your relationship is essential because if it’s for everyone then it’s not special anymore!
Communicate expectations effectively. Do not assume your partner knows what is going on in your head if you do not tell them.
Often times we believe that if my partner really knows me then they should know why I feel some type of way. However, this isn’t always true. It’s not that your partner does not understand you, your partner just isn’t a mind reader. In a relationship you have to effectively communicate what is going on internally. Communication is key in a relationship (verbal and nonverbals).
Learn when to and when not to…
Discernment, discretion, decision.
Do not expect something from your partner that you are not willing to do yourself.
Set your expectations and stick to it. If you do not want your partner at a party dancing with the opposite gender do not think it is okay for you to go out and dance with the opposite gender. If you value the relationship then stand up and say no to things you would not want to hear your partner did. Think about how your short term actions have long term consequences. My definition of cheating is “doing something you would not feel comfortable doing if your partner is present.”
Hold yourself accountable and lighten up!
It’s okay to run the streets and have a good time but remember, if you don’t want your partner to do it with someone else then maybe you shouldn’t do it. When you make a mistake, own up to it but don’t set a standard that you can’t uphold because discipline is will get back at you. Quick.
Open up and be transparent with your partner.
Your partner is the one person you should be 100% comfortable with. Do not put on a mask with your partner because they deserve to see the natural and authentic person that you are. You should feel comfortable expressing all your emotions to your partner.
Always make time for the relationship outside day to day interactions. If the only time you enjoy one another is at night then you have a big problem on your hands.
If you and your partner don’t set aside time for each other then why are y’all together? This is a two-way street. No one person should be making all of the plans or be the only one trying new things. Try new things TOGETHER.
Be spontaneous in the relationship. The status quo can get boring really fast. Do not be afraid to embark on different adventures.
Random acts of kindness lets your partner feel appreciated. It does not have to be something grand. Dwight first caught my attention when he listened to me after telling him that Hershey’s cookies and creme is my favorite candy. One day, he hid a bar in my car for me to find. A simple gesture made me smile and feel appreciated.

This isn’t a one stop shop for young couples. We’re just showing the world what works for us. Please comment and give your take on our tips. What would you add? What would you take away? What was missing and should be added? Thank you for your time and be on the lookout for next week’s post on The Running Water.

Beyond The Lights,

DJ3 and Nelle
The Maverick

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Post Father's Day Blues

7/15/2019

1 Comment

Song of the Day: 2nd Childhood by Nas

Me, Circa 2011

My father died when I was five years old. When father’s day comes, I don’t post him to talk about how much I miss him nor do I write I about him. Sometimes, I just cry. I try to blame him for the difficulties I encounter and get placed in but it’s hard to blame someone I didn’t get to know. My father is the piece of my identity that keeps changing because everyone has a different story about him. He was a great man that was always on the go. He couldn’t sit still. You act just like him. You look just like him. You and your brother look like twins. I can’t see what other people are looking at so it can be hard to differentiate between the tales I’m told about my father. He’s like a myth to me. I can sense him around me depending on where I go as if he’s walked wherever I’m going. I have deja vu more often than I expect. I look through my gallery and find that I take pictures of the same things but at different points in time. I can remember when I took a picture at FSU for the first time near the integration statue not knowing that I’d take a million more till this day. There are also times where I find myself in the shadow of some of my friends when we hang out. I don’t have a lot of father figures but the few that I do have, I do my best to remind them that I appreciate them as much as often. Some include:

Pastor Lewis and Dr. B, my spiritual elders that keep my morals in check as I move up in life. No matter where I go, I keep my bible with me because of them. I wouldn’t have crazy faith if they didn’t help me believe that I had any.

Dr. Bowden (Pops) and Dr. Danford (Doc), my super educated dads. They both have PhD’s and I like the sound of Dr. James. They’ve been around the world and live life because they made it that way (not saying my spiritual elders haven’t. They live comfortably lavish too.). Their drive to innovate and be open to new things encourages me to be boundless in my endeavors but also focus on what I’m good at. They keep it real with me through their actions and not just a speech of what I should and shouldn’t do.

Then there’s my step dad, Will. He’s been around since middle school and though we’ve had our fall outs, he’s shown me what grit and focus can get you if you put in the time. I didn’t like his method at first because I could tell there was some things he had to work through internally. He taught that my past doesn’t define me since I can define the future. He’s stubborn but he has a big heart if he opens up to you. He taught me how to protect myself-- my heart, money, relationship(s) (romantic and platonic), art, and name. He knows that some days my name is all I have so we joke about the irony of my last name being his middle name. I guess he’s the “filler” my dad sent (LOL). But in all seriousness, I wouldn’t be where I am had he not been persistent. What’s even crazier is that both of our dad’s were murdered and it took our stepfather’s to fill in the cracks that can’t quite be filled. It’s not the sunshine that keeps a car clean-- it’s the rain as he’d say. He’s the epitome of a screw up turned household protector. I’m happy that he stayed not just for my mom but to help my siblings and I in anyway he could-- if we asked. Will is a special case and life really wouldn’t be the same without him. At least he understands me when I feel like no one does some days.

I’m thinking about the last time I visited my father’s grave and it’s been a while since I’ve cleaned it. I’ll dust it off once I get back home. Save me a seat in heaven Dad.

Beyond the Lights,
DJ3
The Maverick

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Trials and Triumphs in Love: Advice on relationships for millennials Ft. Renelle S.T. Williams

Post Father's Day Blues

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Trials and Triumphs in Love: Advice on relationships for millennials Ft. Renelle S.T. Williams

Post Father's Day Blues

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